i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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