I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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