sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
