I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
