how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
