shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
