The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
