Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A bitchslap is in order.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
