Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
