Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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