I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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