She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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