idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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