You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
