dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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