I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
