Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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