dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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