The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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