that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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