your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
