Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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