i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
