As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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