I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
