I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize