i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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