Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
