Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
