i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
