So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
