where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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