I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
