ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
