i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
