I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
