Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
