isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
