1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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