VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
