I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize