apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
