It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
