if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
