Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
