True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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