happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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