He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
