chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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