fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
