is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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