I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
