have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
