I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
