I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize