For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize