dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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