I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
