I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
...so i touched it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
