if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did i walk over a car last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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