I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
