Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
