A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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