I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize